Urban Yoggers

I promised a brief yet informative blog describing the various characteristics of Palmer Square yoggers, as well as the conclusions I’ve drawn from my haphazard observations of them. I’m sure the promises I casually make on this blog are not particularly memorable to my readers (all three of them!) but I’ve made a commitment and I plan to stick to it! So here it is …

Yogger types observed in Palmer Square, a random sample qualitative research study that is not backed up by any concrete evidence / data other than personal observation made by highly scientific instruments known as my eyeballs:

1. The high school track team superstar yogger.
This yogger has been running since diapers and competing since pimples. He/she is typically a pale beanstalk who whisks by with a trailing aroma of suntan oil and . Surprisingly these yogging types are rather hearty individuals despite their rose-leaf complexions and gangly, flailing extremities. They effortlessly zip past me with the speed and grace of an agile cheetah … not a single bead of sweat visible on their blonde brows.

2. The couple yogger.
Occasionally Cdubs and I fall under this category when we’re feeling particularly devoted to each other’s physical health. As they say,”the couple yogger that runs together, sticks together.” (I’m sure that saying can be taken both literally and figuratively.) There are two types of couple-yoggers: pro and amateur. Pro-couple yoggers are the more aesthetically pleasing of the two types – not only because they’re usually more fit but they also tend share strides, eerily resembling one massive (and attractive) torso with three gracefully gliding lower limbs. Amateur-couple yoggers are typically easier to spot as they haven’t yet achieved the level of dexterity that pro-couple yoggers handsomely display on the running path. Amateur-couple strides lack the rhythmic quality necessary to be considered at pro-level. Note: Typically amateur-couple yoggers are training for an upcoming 5K of some sort.

3. The sprint-then-walk yogger
I am ashamed to admit that this is the yogging category I most commonly fall under as an urban yogger. The sprint-then-walk yogger is out there to get fit but also can’t handle someone passing him/her or someone thinking he/she is a wimp. This yogger has a firm sense of pride and an inner burn for competition. Once the sprint-then-walk yogger’s reputation is threatened by another fast-moving yogger (most commonly the high school track team superstar yogger and/or pro-couple yogger), he/she will kick the pace up to a speed that can only be described as ludicrous. After about 1 minute of this intense and ridiculous display of physical “stamina,” the sprint-then-walk yogger has no other option but to decrease speed … eventually strutting down to a brisk walk. Then, after he/she beats him/herself up internally for a good three to four minutes (i.e. “you fail! Slowpoke!”), the strut works its way back up to a startled-deer pace. This cycle continues until the sprint-then-walk yogger feels completely drained of all energy and heads home.

4. The slow-moving-yet-never-stopping-yogger
These yoggers are tenacious – they run at a snails pace but learned a thing or two from the famous tortoise who beat that pompous hare. These folks understand and embrace the importance of pacing themselves and never waiver regardless of other yoggers who relentlessly run circles around their short yet sturdy strides. The slow-moving-yet-never-stopping-yogger typically yogs for physical and mental health. Examples: the young mother who just needs 30 minutes peace and quiet, the older gentleman just looking for some fresh air and perhaps a bluebird on his shoulder, the middle-aged woman fighting hot flashes, and the young adolescent working off his baby fat before the commencement of his freshman year.

5. The body-builder-whose-coach-said-to-incorporate-cardio yogger
This yogger yogs at his / her coach’s request. Typically the individual has more muscle definition than you can shake a stick at, and the boredom in his/her eyes instantly tells you that yogging is not his/her forte. Their speed is average and sometimes lackadaisical (they’d rather be tossing around the cold steel in a gym somewhere), but their face is always grim and serious – it’s obvious that yogging is not their cup of creatine.

Here are a few other yogging types I’ve observed but are too unique to fit under one category:
1. Tatoo-chick yogger
She runs in baggy yoga pants and a sports bra – the rest of her body splashed with art. According to her lower back, she loves the Chinese zodiac and kittens.

2. Purse yogger
This young lady runs with a hemp cross-body purse. At first glance you may think she’s running late for a bus.

3. Hipster yogger
In my neighborhood this guy is difficult to spot. He runs with his calve-high tube socks (red/blue/brown stripes at the top), short shorts, a sweatband (typically matches the socks) and aviators.

What other types have you observed in your homeland? Anything I’ve missed?

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About Kristi Zimmerman

When I'm not navigating the interwebs as an internet marketing consultant, I'm either participating in a community theater production, running a local race, scoping out new Indie music or playing fetch with my cat, Bruce.
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2 Responses to Urban Yoggers

  1. andy says:

    I’ve seen / spied on young milf yoggers in B-town. They cruise around trails with their little ones in a stroller. That way they get the benefit of exercise, and a sense of family bonding time with their kids. Or, I suppose they could be kidnapper yoggers.

    • Kristi Zimmerman says:

      Great addition, Lieder! I didn’t even think of Milf yoggers. I’m assuming there are also Dilf yoggers lurking about too.

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